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Posted: July 10, 2009
Snake oil special: nanotechnology colon cleanser
(Nanowerk News) Some fun stuff to ease your way into the weekend: Here is our Slow News Friday story for this week, which again doubles as our soon to be launched Nanotechnology Snake Oil Special. There really is no need to comment on this one, just enjoy some of the quotes from the website at www. lipocleanze.com – distributor of the "Swiss Botanical Nanotechnology Tea Colon Cleanser":
"Released At Last! A Revolutionary Fat Flushing Program That... Overcomes The Body 'Toxins' That Keep You Fat! Float Your Unwanted Pounds Right Out Of Your Body And Watch That Excess Adipose Tissue Visibly Melt Off Like Butter In A Microwave."
"It has been conservatively estimated that the average person has between 4-20 lbs of this toxic intestinal build-up in their system - which can keep accumulating over the years!"
"Your Contaminated Body Gets Clogged And Broken…Robs You Of Your Health, Energy And Vitality!"
And on and on it goes. The whole thing is signed by a "Jessica Roshwood". It sounds like a fake name and in reality you are probably dealing with a fat, sweaty, bald man sitting in a basement somewhere. When you google "Jessica Roshwood" you'll find that she (aka 'fat, sweaty, bald man sitting in a basement somewhere') also peddles a $37 "Times are Tough - So Eat Cheap and free yourself from risk of this economic crisis ever reaching your dinner table" guide. Which is quite ironic because there she (aka 'fat, sweaty, bald man sitting in a basement somewhere') rants about "greedy supermarket owners". Greedy snake oil salesmen anyone?
Anyway, back to our colon cleanser. Way, way down in this litany we finally get to the solution:
"Because you had the wisdom to read this far, you’re going to learn the simple solution to flush out thousands of toxins, poisons, pollutants, drugs, radioactive material, heavy metals, pounds of old fecal matter, intestinal worms and parasites, and more."
"Lipo Cleanze represents a quantum leap in fat loss supplements. It's the first supplement that effectively decreases body fat by working at all the relevant metabolic, absorption and excretion levels, while at the same time providing substantial health benefits."
"Manufactured using Swiss Nano technology"
"This Is Only The Beginning. Because The Real Pay Off Comes Now- In The Breathtaking New Flood Of Health That Pours Into Your Body!"
" Lose Age At The Same Time You Lose Weight! Banish Excess Poundage and Look Years Younger And Pounds Lighter In As Little As 10 Short Days!"
"Grab Your 10 Day Supply Of Lipo Cleanze (10 Tea bags) Now For Only $199 $99.95!"
Nope, no typo here. You are paying a cool $100 for 10 tea bags! At $10 a pop this surely must be the most expensive tea bags in the world! There must be cheaper ways to induce diarrhea. But then again, if you can't afford that, you can always get a copy of Jessica Roshwood's (aka 'fat, sweaty, bald man sitting in a basement somewhere') much more affordable "Eat Cheap" guide.
Tip of the hat to Tim Harper over at the TNTlog for his diligent study of the weight loss literature and for digging up this YouTube video from LipoCleanze: